glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
