ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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