So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
