We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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