listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
