In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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