wakey wakey hands off snakey
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
