it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
