No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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