Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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