I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
