Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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