So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
