You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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