I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
