if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
