you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
