Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
