i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
