can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
