dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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