what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
