I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
