New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize