Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
