Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
