You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
