it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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