i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
