remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
