Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
