She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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