Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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