census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
