What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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