her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
sarcasm needs its own font
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
