Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
