spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
