my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
