and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want nice things and good sex
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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