Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
