At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
