How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
