Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
