The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
