Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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