you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
