8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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