Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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