Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize