you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
