i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
