apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
