If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
