People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
