margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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