this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
