I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
