after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
