If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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