Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
