enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
