i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He felt like a one man threesome
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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