So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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