I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
