just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
