I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
