I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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