after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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