youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
