this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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