I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize