i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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