he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sarcasm needs its own font
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
