My hand turned me down
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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