my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
