Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
