Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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