I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
